Clerks 2 Movie Quotes

[The Quick Stop has just burned down]
Randal Graves: Terrorists?
[Dante stares at him before shaking his head]
Randal Graves: I left the coffee pot on again, didn’t I?
[Dante nods]
Randal Graves: Shit! Now where am I going to bring chicks to fuck when my mom’s home?
[Dante stares at him]


Randal Graves: Seventeen year olds nowadays are crazy; they’re up for anything. They even like it when you go ass-to-mouth.
Dante Hicks: Oh. My. God.
Randal Graves: What?
Dante Hicks: Are you serious?
Randal Graves: I don’t fuck around when it comes to ass-to-mouth.
Dante Hicks: You never go ass-to-mouth!
Randal Graves: It’s never my idea. These young chicks today get all horned up and they tell you to go ass-to-mouth.
Dante Hicks: You never go ass-to-mouth, Randal!
Randal Graves: You sound like my mom. [To Becky, who has just walked in] Becks, do you ever go ass-to-mouth?
Becky: You never go ass-to-mouth.
Randal Graves: You’ve never gone ass-to-mouth?
Dante Hicks: You never go ass-to-mouth.
Becky: I’ve never gone ass-to-mouth.
Randal Graves: Not even once?
Becky: Not even ever.
Randal Graves: You’re both so repressed. [To Becky] Look, I know you’ve given a blow job, right?
Becky: [Sigh] I haven’t even put my purse down yet.
Randal Graves: That’s a “yes”. [To Dante] And I know you’ve gone down on chicks.
Becky: What’s your point?
Randal Graves: Well, when you’re done chowing down on the no-no parts of your lover, you kiss them, right? That’s just like going ass-to-mouth.
Becky: Okay, I’m pretty sure you just compared a vagina to an asshole.
Randal Graves: [Scoffs] And?
Becky: Have you restocked all the napkin holders?
Randal Graves: That’s an Elias job.
Becky: That comparison of pink and browneyes just made it a Randal job.
Elias: Zing!
Randal Graves: Shut the fuck up, Go-Bot!


Randal: Hey, Freddie-fucking-Mercury where’s the chick?
Sexy Stud: [gesturing to the donkey] Right here.
Randal: But this donkey’s a dude.
Sexy Stud: Kelly can be a guy’s name too. Hey!


[In the altered version of the prison scene]
Dante Hicks: “Yeah right do you know how much that would cost? Fifty thousand dollars easy.”
Jay: “We have that kind of money.”
Dante Hicks: “How’d you guys make that kind of money selling weed in front of the Quick Stop?”
Jay: “We got movie money.”
[Confused look on Randal and Dantes faces]
Jay:”What the fuck, man?! Doesn’t anyone remember they made a movie based on me and Silent Bob?!”